In this month of love – for some of the globe at any rate – my thoughts turn to the questions “what is love?” and what is “the greatest love”? To my mind the answer is clear – connection.
Now, that might sound a strange answer but I really believe that connection is what it is all about.
But it isn’t being “in love” with another person that I want to talk about today. It is about probably the greatest love of all – love of our self… not selfishly but love that fills us up, makes us glow, means we are “happy for no reason”, means people want to be around us and they don’t know why! That love of life that means we are content what ever and wherever. That love that makes us want to pinch ourself to make sure its real! That has us welling up when listening to a certain piece of music. That love.
This feeling is the opposite of what I see so often. Loneliness. As a travelling woman, a global nomad, I spend time in many different countries and many different places. I meet wonderful people, visit great places and life is good…but. But? But I used to feel lonely – I almost felt guilty for doing so because my life looks, and is, so blessed but its true I felt lonely. And loneliness is something I see behind the eyes of so very many women I meet. At meetings, coffee mornings, gatherings – behind the facade a feeling of loneliness, of not fitting, of missing family and friends and feeling that everyone else has it sussed. I get it, I’ve been there. I’ve been to a coffee morning where everyone seems to know everyone else, where I have to break into a conversation somewhat awkwardly, where everyone seems to go off at the end with somewhere to go, someone to go with. I’ve done it, it hurts and I never want to be there again which is why – since I “cracked it” – I spend time helping others to find the answer to this once and for all.
Believe it or not we can learn to love. We can learn to not be lonely. We can learn to have a life we love every day. It starts with working out who we are, spending quiet time reflecting, journalling, meditating…whatever the tool for you. It means working out what really makes you happy not just what you think should make you happy. It’s about connection – connecting with who we really are, what makes us tick, what that source inside us is. It includes feeling good about ourself, our body, our image… all of it. And it means taking the focus outside of ourself. When we think about others – whether it is one other or many – we take the focus off us… we stop being “self” conscious and become more real. Then the love is starting to flow… Then we are really starting to connect. It is simple but as with so many simple things you need to follow the path. Getting from A to B is simple – once you know where B is! Spend time reflecting, not dwelling on the sadness and loneliness but on how you can help others feel less lonely, more loved and hey presto that is what you will experience!
If you’d like a bit more help with this then lets meet for a coffee – ideally face to face but if not then over Skype.
That can be my Valentines gift to you… coffee and a chat and lets bring the love up and knock the loneliness down. Connection. Love. Life… it’s all good
image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net – thank you